


butterflies at the edges of my feet

by vanillampost



Series: Red Berries and Tangerines [2]
Category: Cravity
Genre: Angst?, Flashbacks, M/M, Mention of Death, Past Relationship(s), Seriham, just sad, mentions of depression, minhee and seongmin cause why not, past and presents, wonjin sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25594189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillampost/pseuds/vanillampost
Summary: wonjin patiently waits for the sunrise to come
Relationships: Ham Wonjin/Park Serim, kang minhee & ahn seongmin
Series: Red Berries and Tangerines [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1714063
Kudos: 20





	butterflies at the edges of my feet

_"you look beautiful, as you usually do" serim smiled at his sweet lover holding the younger's hand close to his, not to tight and not to loose he refuses to let go despite the protests_

_"yeah and you haven't showered too, serim how many times do i need to tell you?" wonjin rolled his eyes disgusted at the sight of serim's unkempt hair and morning face_

_"you like me like that better, ham" the older teases him getting a light smack accros his chest and letting out a soft small pained gasped from his lips_

_"oh fuck off" serim laughed when wonjin walked away annoyed, he always found away to tick him off for the simplest things, even though it seems like a irritable habit of his wonjin never objects or complains._

* * *

"you're never gonna be able to sleep well if you keep standing out like this on the cold outside for too long, wonjin" a tall young boy with his jet black long hair sat down next to wonjin on the furthest side of a garden

wonjin didn't bother to answer him, he just held his knee high resting his chin ontop of it, gazing at the lilypads of the pond as the younger boy puts a cardigan over his shoulders.

"you should come in, seongmin is getting worried" the boy said, wonjin didn't budge and he didn't even look at him, pulling the cardigan closer for himself, his hands moving itself into the lid of the jar on his lap this whole time.

"I'll be good, tell seongmin i'll be fine, just leave some dinner for me" wonjin said giving the boy a sweet smile to ease the worry the other had "go ahead minhee"

"fine, shall anything happen just call us right away okay?" minhee knows it's useless to convince wonjin to move so he better just obey him and make his way back taking steps into wonjins house as seongmin appear before him on the door way looking very unamused

"you didn't even do anything but put a cardigan on him or even take a second chance to drag him in how is that gonna make him to go inside?" seongmin asked, fixing his glasses and waving his hand at minhee's direction before he could even speak "nevermind, he's been like that since last week we're hopeless"

"now don't say that, or else we gonna fail for real- i mean, _you_ Will fail for real" minhee grabbed an apple from the counter sitting watching seongmin washing the dishes

"well from the look of it i think i am failing anyways" seongmin turned off the tap water and places the plates and utensils carefully before drying his hands with the napkins.

"don't say such things, have faith beloved" minhee took another bite from the apple, getting his face thrown a cloth at followed by seongmin grunts

"you dumb ass.. you need to read rooms better to be quite honest" seongmin shaked his head cleaning the dinning table, minhee did not question on why didn't he left dinner for wonjin but he also did not mention how wonjin still has a longing for dinner because it's a rule between them both that seongmin somehow, knows better than him in any way

"okay captain" minhee chuckled, getting yelled at that he should help cleaning around the place, stealing glances at the garden for wonjin.

* * *

" _you're_ _gonna be late serim!" wonjin said in a panicky voice scrambling off the bed on a hurry as he noticed it was only fifteen minutes before serims usual routine starts off he slid in his slippers and raises the bedroom curtains awaking the older rudely_

_"you really know how to ruin a good sleep" serim lazily rubbed his eyes and yawned, putting on his shirt, still disoriented from the sleep_

_"well next time don't be an ass and sleep late!" wonjin grabbed serims hand and dragged him into the bathroom so they both could wash their face and clean their face up_

_walking downstairs completely dressed up and tidy enough to go according to wonjin, he stalled some time by giving the younger kisses on the cheeks and calls him some disgustingly cute names wanting to spend more time just for the both of them._

_"we don't have time for that" wonjin whined when serims heavy backhug wrapped around his waist laughing_

_"we have lots of time, they can wait" serim reminded him, he doesn't care if they're late it won't hurt nobody but wonjins pride and priorities_

_"no they DON'T" wonjin elbowed him and let a out a satisfied mocking laugh when serim easily let go of him from his grasp_

_"you're no fun" serim likes to act like a child to wonjin, even when the other had said that it was embarrassing and the lame attempt of cutesy is not gonna work on him._

_"yeah and you're a pain in my ass" wonjin sarcastically replied and grabbed his coat, glasses and bucket hat "dont forget the keys"_

_"says you" serim took his shoes and followed behind, having a little bit of giggle because the keys was always with wonjin and he is the one who always forgets_

* * *

"i think we might have a problem here" minhee commented when he and seongmin saw that wonjins plants had all died around the corners and they had forgotten to water them for days, the decaying and deteriorating greens was just sitting, looking like it has been neglected for ages

"you think he'd be mad?" seongmin knew they were in trouble for it, wonjin had reminded them before to water the plants three times a day but since minhee was more put up into keeping the outside garden alive and seongmin who is very nonchalant and didn't care much for it the results was sets of greys in the small pots and vases on the counters and living room"

"when was the last time he ever cared for it?" minhee looked at seongmin troubled, the older sure haven't been paying much attention to his surroundings but surely he'll notice if his beloved little friends has dried up

"i dont know! i thought you were supposed to take care of it you were a botanist for a reason" seongmin did make a point, minhee was a botanist but to take note _was_ meaning he has lost the touch of it or for other words he did not care about it

"we're so dead for this" minhee gulped rubbing his nape nervously as seongmin was picking up the small vases and inspecting if it could be revived in any short of the way

seongmin wanted to squeal because he felt like this has been the thousand time he had been very awfully bad on his senses but he just keep it in and sighed loudly for anyone to hear "you are supposed to tell me minhee you are the one that can feel them"

"do you think i have the capabilities to take a look or watch everything in here?" the taller boy asked with his tone unusual like how he likes to talk "i only have one task here, and so do you it is not my fault these plants died because you were supposed to feel them too, dumbass'"

"who are you calling dumb?!" seongmin higher pitched voice cut through and he grabbed the closest thing near him which is a plastic tray

"you!" minhee provoked him, seongmin chased him around the house with the tray hanging on into his hand playing around like the childern they are, minhee is sure there will be some more time to buy

* * *

_"what are you doing?" wonjin rolled next to serim who is just laying down on the carpet, seemingly blank and full of thoughts_

_"some thinking, you know what about" serim said facing into the younger's face squishing his cheeks "you done with your work?"_

_"almost" wonjin smiled and letting himself getting hugged and kissed by serim on the head, some days it's okay like this, acting like there was nothing wrong around them_

_absence of words means nothing to them both for they both could find warmth and calmness in their heartbeats and breathing, it was their own language they could communicate it when one of them are having a pouring down moment_

_"dont think too much about it, you're making me scared too" wonjin broke the silence when serim couldn't stop caressing his hair, it was not out of gentleness or care it was clear as day it was out of uneasiness and anxiety_

_"i am not" still serim had to keep his facade infront of his will as he did not want to see their peacefulness crumble in a snap of a finger and a blink of an eye, he did not want all that to disappear and never to be felt again on his hands or feelings as it is his biggest fear_

_"we'll be okay" wonjin had a glimpse of hope and assurity that they will keep it all together for until how much they wanna last_

_"let's not be stupid and just think about how ruby and jungmo has not talked to you about that trip" wonjin let out a small grin holding serims cheek "i will beat the shit out of them" making serim laugh again_

_the laughter wonjin never wants to stop hearing, like a music to his ears._

_"you are so funny ham, you and what intimidation?" serim poked fun at his cute demeanor and sulking face_

_"shut up"_

_"no i dont think i will"_

* * *

wonjins head become so light headed and he could feel himself losing balance on the ground, he grabbed the grasses and took a deep breath, he did not for one second wanna call minhee or seongmin for help, he's got this and he is confident 

the calming sound of the night was his company, as he regained his balance yet the lightheadedness that won't strip away from his head and whole body, he just wishes he could push the feeling away and sat still in silence without anything bothering him

the fluorescent lights of the garden was blurry, the crickets on the distance was like the ticking clock into his blood veins and everything else seems like it has stopped 

has it been all over all along? wonjin did not want it all to go to waste, he was waiting for the right moment, he is hanging on to the cusp of hope he always had for himself

wonjin hummed a sweet melody, a melody that hasn't been sung for what it seems like decades to him, the melody that it was so beautiful minhee and seongmin could hear, like a sweet soft summer breeze greeting them on the first day of hot sun and clear clouds roaming through the skies

"oh hell" seongmin acknowledged the genuine feeling and looked at minhee with a slight unsure of what to do next since all they've done is causing a ruckus inside the house "what we gonna do now?"

"hold on for a minute" minhee pauses trying to process everything through and blinking, studying the melody and vibrations across his skin and fingertips, he took a breathe of relief when he could tell of what it is "carry on, nothing to worry about now - yet"

"yet?" seongmin confused by what the taller means but minhee simply nodded "just let him be for awhile, he's just fine for now, let's get back on what we were doing" minhee took a fallen cushion and threw it back at seongmins face

"you absolute piece of sh-" another pair of cushion lands to seongmin's face before he could finish the sentence

* * *

_"why aren't you cleaning up yet wonjin?" serim peeked into the study room and sees wonjin staring quietly outside the windows_

_"i was busy watching the butterflies on the garden" wonjin said not giving serim a glance, holding a tape recorder into his hands_

_"your mom and dad is waiting for you downstairs, you don't wanna keep them waiting" serim slowly went to him yet did not dare to touch the younger or make him turn around_

_"they could wait" wonjin firmly said his voice getting tighter and the hold on the tape was surely jawbreaking, serim patted his shoulder "any one you like?" he asked regarding about the groups of small butterflies beyond the glass_

_wonjin could only responded with a hum, pointing at a particular crimson red colored wing butterfly spreading its wings beautifully around other smaller colonies of butterfly flying around the window back and forth_

_"you know i hate parental visits" wonjin stated obviously despising the idea of it, serim couldn't argue with it because he hated it too, because it could mean a different lot of reasons for why they should meet, and it is not a pleasing thought for the both of them_

_wonjin could barely get up from his bed whenever he can tell something bad is about to happen, he was holding into serim like he was the only thing that could keep him safe from all the dangerous and uncertainty of the world and serim was his saving grounds, his lighthouse and pinnacle of it all and he hated to admit it himself, he hated being seen as weak and helpless when he cannot grab on into small lights into hope, he hates it when he is forced into the small suffocating spaces when he feels the ocean is too high to swim through_

_he hates it all_

_and he hated that only serim can keep it stable_

_"you will be okay" serim whispered into him and just like that everything was back to normal, he could breathe again_

_but everyday where wonjin thought he is one steps ahead of the storm he is met with the unknown future filled with doubts and concerns and fears, he realizes he was in a big juxtaposition, and there was no escaping it that one day he has to face either side of the storm_

_and that's where his tears finally come to realization that everything was just hard and he couldn't keep up, that he was indeed helpless even when serim was there to make it okay_

_he held on to serim like he was the last light in the world, begging him to stay with him until he could regain his senses_

_serim did not mind, he did not want wonjin to bear the burden alone for his tears are something he couldn't bear to be let alone, he wanted to let wonjin know even when his tears are overwhelming, he will be there to be the lighthouse wonjin always describe him as_

_"you sure you can keep it safe in there?" wonjin was not sure when serim puts the butterfly he liked on the big jar, filled wihh sand and a branch of tree_

_"she will be protected from harm" serim smiled brightly giving the jar to wonjin "also, happy birthday my love"_

* * *

wonjin completely lost himself, dropping the jar and started to let the night to run through himself, his eyelids was getting heavier than normal, he didn't wanted to look so pathetic in the eyes of the two younger boys in his house

"hey hey hey, here you go" minhee's voice snapped him out from his empty mind and stares, leaning against the boy to be more comfortable when seongmin joined them bringing in a cup of warm tea for them all

"how is it?" seongmin delighted to see wonjin was willing to drink from it, the older's smaller frame look so pitiful and was everything that wonjin hated about himself

"it sucks, so so bad" wonjin muttered calmly and took another sip from the cup, pulling the cardigan even more closer to his body to get some more warmness, the cold air wrapped around his feet had began to slowly rise along with minhee's slender hands keeping wonjin around him so he wouldn't feel less alone

"sorry i did everything I could" seongmin is deeply apologetic, his face was not the same one he loves to show everyday, the vibrant aura has dimmed and everything else is left was the pure emotions of sadness

"its okay" wonjin didn't feel regrets, he did not want seongmin to think he couldn't do what was tasked to him, as it was his own will to let himself drown into the ocean he had seen coming far before "don't feel bad, maybe next time you'd beat minhee"

"i hope so too" minhee gently rubs wonjins side, the coldness was a strong and unforgiving one and it was his determination to keep the older feeling like he is on the autumn horizons.

* * *

_wonjin held serims hand, not saying a word sleeping next to him on the white pristine bed, silence is already a rule between them when they know they couldn't say anything else_

_serim could read everything wonjin think about even when their minds are clashing, and even in that moment he wanted to be the lighthouse wonjin wanna stay in forever and not let go_

_everything was unfair and fair to them, wonjin demanded for more than the universe could give them both, serim on the other side thanked it so much that they could travel through galaxies with all that has been given to them_

_they did not want to leave the lighthouse, but both knew they have to go and go on for a new adventure and find something else to hold on, wonjin who was still scared to reach for the shores and serim who is more than ready to row the boat and brave the big tides and waters_

_wonjin who is afraid of leaving the shallows feeling left behind by serim who is already soaring high into the clouds, making sure that no matter what he will always return to their small paradise of lights_

_wonjin who had to finally accept that serim had found his way after the oceans, be it bellow be it above the older had to go into his adventures, and wonjin has to wait for his turn to come with him_

_"i love you, serim" wonjin said to serim, to the clear sky, to the night, to the stars and to the place he onced cherished but now has to let go_

_his fingers slipped away from serim_

_"i love you too, wonjin"_

_the moment he slipped away, the lights turned off and wonjin had to bid farewell, the ocean swallowed him up for days as it was foretold_

_and he had to brave it alone this time_

* * *

wonjin took his last strength and opened the lid of the jar, letting the crimson red butterfly free from all those years of wonjin still hoping the light will turn on again magically

he was cruel to keep it for himself and thought he deserved the punishment for it, the suffocating ocean is swallowing him up again like the first time 

"minhee? thank you" wonjin called out with fondness as his eyes slowly dropped on its own, chest raising and lowering as time goes by, like the waves it slowly died down, and minhee carefully laid wonjins head down to his lap brushing his hands past the older's face, inhaling the coldness away

seongmin drank the last cup of the tea, his face was solemn as so is minhee, they both let the night go by naturally as the sun slowly rises up painting warm colors over them

as if the universe found a way to let the younger boys aware, the backdoor slowly creaked open soft stepping noises are being taken

"wonjin, are you home?"

* * *

_"there you are" serim hugged wonjin tightly when he finally showed up, although a bit late but they were holding each other again_

_"sorry I got a bit lost on the way" wonjin chuckled getting his hair messed by serim "you are so stupid ham"_

_"oh shut up i got you a gift!" wonjin complained taking something from his backpack_

_"what is it?" serim tried to take a peek stubbornly even when wonjin already threatened to break the gift_

_with anticipation and serims usual habit of acting like a child that drives the younger crazy "tadaah!" wonjin happily showed him a jar, a familiar jar he recognized_

_"you did not" serim saw the butterfly, inside of it with the color blue, his most favorite color because it reminds him of the ocean and sky_

_"oh i did" wonjin smugly said, as he proudly claim he do not fear the tides anymore as he can walk past the shallows and follow serim anywhere he goes now no longer having anything to be afraid of as they could always go back to the same place they loved to be, the lighthouse_

_"happy birthday my love" wonjin kissed serims cheek for moments before he got pulled into the water playfully "oh fuck you park serim" he complains_

_"i love you too, ham wonjin"_


End file.
